Not so quick update

So I have been on my medicine lately and I have been busy. This summer I have not been able to find a job so I decided to write a book. Yes a book. I recently finished it with around 400 pages. I worked throughout the summer and spent many manic moments writing.

Problem with my blog is I question if people read it. I saw people from another country read my blog. I was shocked. Why read me? Frankly I thought blogger was kind of dead.

I have been having a lot of fights recently with people. Some petty things, but arguments. I have been really aggressive lately.

I saw my deaf Aunt as well. Her son is bipolar and I asked for help about how she dealt with her son having it. I am not that close with that side of the family so it was nice to actually talk to them. I also found out she is responsible for making movie theaters have subtitle equipment for the deaf community. She is also working on the B.A.R.T to make it better for the deaf population.

This has inspired me. I have been a bit lost lately, trying to think about what I want to do as a career. People seem to tell us that we need to pick something we want at 18. College is so expensive it really seems like we have one shot. So either you do something you love or you're screwed.

On that note, I have been thinking about advocacy. My parents have been pushing me to work on the Presidential campaigns. It seems like I should do that, but I am not that interested. Even though I am a political science and communications major, I cannot stand American Politics. It seems all we do is constantly bicker and fight. One side says one thing, the other says the opposite and we cannot even get things done in the end. I would rather be more concerned about world politics since we live in a global environment. My main thing is I want to help people. So an advocacy program seems to be the right thing for me. Maybe something with a health group for Bipolar disorder.

Medicine change! I was on risperdal for a bit, and lets just say I had some bizarre reactions. I would have a lot of nose bleeds for no reason. I am prone to nose bleeds, but there were different. It was very watery, big nose bleeds, would take a long time to heal, and would start with no reason. I would sit down and then suddenly feel warm liquid something trickle down my nose and smell the metallic.

I got pretty annoyed with this so I looked it up and found out I should contact a doctor immediately if I have an issue.  I am on longer on this medicine and on Abilify. It makes me sleepy and I feel drowsy all day.

Little things seem to tick me off, but the medicine helps. While I like the mania, I can reflect on how I act. There is a down side to it. A part of me wants it back. It is hard. I looked up a bunch of famous people with bipolar disorder and was stunned. Maybe I could be a great writer? Those of you probably reading this are shaking their heads. "Nope, you suck," well sorry this is more of a diary format. Screw the dear diary though, that is stupid.

I don't think I will post as periodically since when I get drugged up a lot from the medicine life seems to be a bit difficult. I REALLY want comments from people. You wont believe how much I want them. Follow or subscribe/subscribble whatever it is called on blogspot if you want to keep up with me. It motivates me to continue, and when I crash I will need motivation. But don't feel like I am twisting your arm. I am DESPERATE <---- lol. Do what you want guys. As long as you enjoy it. I have noticed a steady stream of people reading me or at least browsing so that motivated me to write this entry.

So until next time. Bysises *cough* bysies. 

Update

Sorry for the lack of posts. Lets just start from the beginning

Dear Journal,

Today is Tuesday July 7th and it is 5:01 PM. So this weekend (on the fourth) I had a massive mania episode. I exploded at my sister. She ticked me off so much I started to scream and have a break down because of my mania. As you all may notice I am not one to sleep and basically the 4th did it in for me. I just could not keep my mania in check and had a tantrum.

During the argument I remembered my father asked me to go vacuum the carpet. My sister started playing her show and I started to clean furiously. I would turn off the tv preventing her from watching and then she decided she had enough with me and turned off the vacuum.

I went off. I started screaming/crying at her causing my mother to come up stairs and scream at me. Screaming really triggers mania for me. I somehow hurt my shoulder (And I dislocated the shoulder a year before) and I didn't even notice it until I was calmed down later.

My mother came up later (with an icepack) and offered to either have me get a 72 hour watch in the hospital or a therapist. I chose the therapist since I calmed down a bit. She called the doctor and the therapist who both got back to her.

The next day I was put on Seroquel and I was knocked out for the day and the next. Today I went to the therapist and we talked about me being bipolar (lets face it cylcothymia is a variant of bipolar disorder so it is easier to say I am bipolar). I am currently looking into a "crazy camp" day thing at a hospital to learn about how I can cope with my bipolar disorder and get help as well as be with people like me.

She also confirmed it, I am Bipolar. Despite what my sister says that I am faking it. It finally feels good to have someone on MY side.

Also to any readers who enjoy my content, please follow and comment. It really gives me motivation and I would love to hear any stories and tips from others who suffer from bipolar disorder and experienced their own adventure. Thanks.