its been a while

I am kind of freaking out.

Imagination is one thing I can be proud of. But now, its starting to frighten me.

I first really noticed it when I was leaving the bathroom at my dorm. I thought I saw a corpse in there. Simple imagination, I knew there was no corpse, but in my mind's eye I saw it.

Later I was in the shower and I imagined what it would be like to have the water running over me turn into a crimson blood staining my skin. And then I saw that blood.

It went away for a while, but in the last couple of days I saw it. There was construction on the road and there was a metal sheet to cover a hole that cars could drive over. I imagined that a car would go through and suddenly I would look down and see a family inside the broken window of the minivan that fell down. I would tell them I am calling the cops, but feel useless that I could not do anything.

It was like a flash, a sudden moment where I am in this imaginary land. Like a daydream.

Recently I had the sudden moment where I felt like I was being mugged, and how I would confess how I was slowly going insane. The robber (he had pale skin, dirty red hair something easy to recall) he would lower his gun, (it was a handgun so a bit cliche) and then I would flip. I would suddenly tackle him, rip the gun away from him and press my thumbs into my eyes destroying them and purposely blinding him. Violent I know. I imagined calling the cops and explaining that it was all self defense. And all these thoughts, instantly happened as I was walking down the sidewalk.

As for how I felt, I was kinda freaking out. I didn't experience a mugging, never had. Why did this pop into my head? Why did something I imagine, why is it sticking with me and why am I reacting to it.
 

Is there just something else wrong with me?

I am afraid.

I know I should say something... but its hard to admit this. I don't want to get diagnosed with something else, only for everything in my life to be that much harder.

For instance I am slowly going down into depression, and its something I don't want to feel. Do I want to die? No! I think suicide is frankly the worst thing you could do. Sure I am in pain. Sure I hate myself. But death is not the answer.

I heard and read that most people who jump off a bridge and survive, end up saying that the moment after they jump, when its too late, they regret it.

Why am I talking about this? Does it mean I think about it constantly? I honestly don't know. I just know I am scared right now. I really don't know what to do.